Asking For Help, Benefits of Therapy, & How To Find a Great Therapist
02/28/2025
1.) How do I know it’s time to ask for help? If you are experiencing unwanted behaviors, physical symptoms, or challenges maintaining healthy relationships, that’s a good sign its time to look for professional support. If your symptoms cause a disruption to your daily routine, making it difficult for you to navigate your home life, work life, and physical health you also might benefit from support. There has been an increase in conversation around mental health and mental health awareness over the last two decades. One thing we haven’t discussed is the importance of identifying the barriers that keep people from asking for help and accessing care. The five most common barriers I hear from clients are: fear of being a burden, fear of being judged, shame of not being able to navigate a situation on their own, the idea that overcoming only counts when the battle is fought and won alone, and a BIG one I hear is avoidance and fear of having to make very difficult changes to their life. The energy spent avoiding areas of your life that are begging for your attention will manifest in other areas of your life if left unchecked. The longer we wait to address our needs and challenges both the frequency and intensity of our unwanted behaviors, habits, and symptoms grow over time. Feeling stuck in the same disappointing behaviors, habits, and relationships, and symptoms? It might be time to ask for help!
2.) What are the benefits of therapy? The benefit of seeking therapy goes beyond relief, clarity, and increased daily functioning for you. The benefits extend to your family, friends, and coworkers as well. Therapy creates a safe space for you process, problem solve, and build tools to help you live a more confident, calm, and self-aware lifestyle. An experienced therapist will look at your current challenges through a holistic lens. This means, they will consider your childhood experiences, physical health, mental health, social relationships, trauma history, cultural and religious experiences, current family relationships, occupational satisfaction, self-esteem, and substance use history. One of the most valuable aspects of seeking support from a clinical expert is you’ll have objective feedback and professional support to understand your symptoms, behaviors, and relationship challenges. When we find ourselves entangled in weeks, months, and years of dysregulation and pain, it often becomes difficult to navigate where to start on our healing journey. A good therapist will gently push you, challenge you, and be a compassionate partner while you work together to untangle difficult challenges in your life.
3.) How do I find a great therapist? Many of my clients have expressed challenges with finding a therapist that is a good fit for them. If you are in the market for a good therapist in your state, there are three key questions I want you to keep in mind. The first questions I want you to ask yourself is, where do I want to start? Identify your most pressing need, for example anxiety symptoms, childhood trauma, domestic abuse, suicidal ideations, intrusive thoughts etc. When asking for a referral from primary care, browsing providers on Psychology Today, or asking a friend for a recommendation, identifying your most significant need can serve as a guide to connect you to a provider who specializes in your most immediate need. The next questions I want you to ask is, what is my style of communication? This might seem one off, but it’s one of the most valuable observations I’ve had as a provider. Clients engage and build trusting relationships with therapists they can communicate well and meet their clients where they’re at. Before completing an intake appointment ask the therapist what their style of communication and therapy is so that you can ensure you’re off to a meaningful start. Some clients need a gentle and soft approach, other clients prefer direct and gently challenging communication. Knowing your communication style is key to finding a provider that is a good fit for you. The third question I want you to ask is, what kind of support am I looking for? Therapists utilize different modalities to support clients depending on their license and specialization. Identifying what kind of support you’re looking for will help you guide your search for a great provider. Perhaps you are looking for tools to help you heal and manage physiological symptoms, maybe you are looking for a provider to support you with processing a traumatic experience? Narrowing down what kind of support you are looking for will help identify the right provider for you. The modalities below can be used to treat, process, integrate, manage, and heal a variety of complex mental health issues Common therapy modalities include:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
Dialectic Behavioral Therapy
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing
Exposure Therapy
Psychotherapy
Internal Family Systems
Brainspotting
Family Therapy
Couples Therapy (I highly recommend the Gottman Method)
Happy Friday, friends! See you again next Friday at 09:00 PST.
Anxiety Of the Mind Is a State of Alarm In the Body
Chronic anxiety that manifests in the form of physiological stress that causes disruption to your daily functioning is usually from experiences or trauma that were not properly integrated, meaning-we weren’t taught how to understand, resolve, and process these experiences by parents or caregivers in early childhood. Anxiety is a physiological state of alarm that is “stuck” in our body. It increases our sensitivity to fear and the unknown. Understanding how to resolve and process anxiety is a feeling process more than a thinking solution. Psychotherapy and medication can only help provide tools to manage anxiety versus healing the state of alarm that is unresolved or stuck in our body. We don’t “fix” anxiety through a process of managing our thinking but rather a process of feeling.
Most anxiety and clinical mental illness starts in childhood. 80% of our brain is developed by the time we are 5. Different types of stress or trauma in childhood can manifest as a dysfunctional alarm system in adulthood. Understanding the root causes of anxiety from childhood allows us to identify where the state of alarm began. Once we can identify the alarm, we can then appropriately heal and process anxiety in the body. When I initially meet clients who are seeking support for anxiety, one of the first questions I ask is, what does anxiety mean and feel like to you? Often clients will describe the thinking process of anxiety for example debilitating avoidance of being in public places. The avoidance is the behavior that “protects” the mind from a perceived threat, the thinking is that if I avoid this action, then I will be safe. The feeling is the state of alarm that is triggered in the body by our avoidance of the perceived fear or threat.
How does anxiety express itself?
Anxiety expresses itself through the sympathetic nervous system. The amygdala recognizes perceived threats in our internal or external environment that are triggered by a release of cortisol. The Amygdala has a direct pathway to our brainstem which controls our physiological response to threats. If you have ever felt your blood pressure, heart rate or respiration increase, these are physiological responses to taking place in response to the threat. At the same time your body is “feeling” the alarm your left hemisphere is trying to compute the context and we often start “stacking” worries. Sometimes our attempt to understand the alarm creates more worry, which increases the feeling of the alarm system leading to a dysfunctional cycle that reinforces our physiological response to fear.
How do we heal anxiety in the body?
1.) Turn towards the alarm. For high energy people we often try to “outrun” and “outwork” the alarm. We don’t want to feel the feeling, so we sublimate the anxiety and find a way to channel the negative energy in a way thats functional. Outworking your alarm system won’t heal it-it reinforces it. Neuroscience tells us that anxiety is deeply rooted in feeling separate from our parents or a parental mismatch in childhood. Feeling separate from your parents or a parental mismatch creates feelings of loneliness, fear, and a lack of belonging. Identifying where you feel the alarm system in your body and caring for that specific physiological need is the first step in healing your anxiety and alarm system. The alarm system does not ALWAYS originate in childhood. Significant changes in life circumstances, trauma, and transitions can also cause disruptions to our internal regulation.
2.) Somatic touch. When your alarm system goes off, identify a safe or neutral space in your body. This could look like putting your hand over your heart, tapping your knees, squeezing your thighs. The goal is to train your unconscious mind that the physiological pain you feel in your body right now is not all of you and you have control of the way you feel. Your amygdala doesn’t have a sense of time. So, when your body is triggered by an alarm, we often respond as if it were the first time our body is experiencing the alarm/worry cycle. We must train the amygdala to create a new body memory feeling safe, in control, and connected to our body today. This takes PRACTICE. Next time you experience anxiety or a “body alarm” trying relocating to a quiet place. Place your hand on a neutral place on your body. Take 5 deep breaths. Breath four seconds in. Hold. Push your breath out. Hold. And repeat. Notice the frequency and intensity of your body alarm over time to determine if somatic touch supports a decrease in your physiological symptoms.
3.) Slow Down and Tune In. We could also call this meditation, body scanning, or taking an inventory of the state of your heart, mind, and body. Anxiety feeds off cycles of reinforced fear due to our inability to control our reaction to perceived threat. There are many ways to “slow down” but one of the most important aspects of managing our alarm system is being in tune with what our body is experiencing versus living in a state of reactivity. I often hear from clients that they have lived for years in a state of anger, fear, sadness, disappointment, unhappiness, or loneliness but they don’t know why. Slowing down and tuning in to what your body is telling you is vital for your health and long-term functioning. Our emotions are tools of expression that we can use to measure where we are disconnected from parts of ourselves that need attention and care. Tuning in to these emotions to listen to what they are communicating is an important part of healing chronic anxiety. Repressing emotions causes an increase in anxiety, depression, insomnia, digestive issues, and muscle tension. Tune in to your nervous system to take an inventory of what your physical and emotional well-being are communicating.
Healing is possible.
Brooke Garcia, MSW, LSWAIC
When Was the Last Time You Were Genuinely Happy and At Peace In Your Body and Mind?
During my initial encounter with client’s, I often find they’ve worked hard at navigating their presenting problems before they end up in my office. For some, after trying to apply the same strategies repeatedly they end up feeling defeated, hopeless, and out-of-control. Often physiological symptoms such as anxiety, depression, sadness, and loneliness, are a result of being disconnected from our needs and trying to numb out the discomfort and pain of feeling stuck in cycles of perpetual frustration and disappointment. One of the first questions I ask my clients is, “When was the last time you felt genuinely happy and at peace in your mind and body?” It’s a loaded question, I know, but it almost always gives me a realistic perspective of how long it’s been since the client has been genuinely fulfilled and at peace in their life. It also helps me gauge whether my clients are aware of their needs. When we dig into the question it often opens the door for clients to think back to what was going well in their lives when they felt their best both physically and emotionally. Experiencing hardship in life is a natural and normal part of the human experience but feeling like no matter how hard you try you’re coming up short can feel incredibly frustrating and isolating. If you feel “stuck” in perpetual cycles of unwanted emotions, relationships, or behaviors, three questions you can use as a starting point to help you recalibrate and start to understand yourself a little better are:
1.) What are my needs? I like to divide needs into 7 different categories with my clients. It sounds like a lot, but our sense of safety and belonging are intrinsically connected to each area. Identify your needs in the areas of your emotional, social, relational, financial, physical, spiritual, and occupational life. Looking at the quality of your health and confidence in these seven areas might help you identify a meaningful starting point. Once you identify an area of need, grab a pen and paper, and get specific about where you feel disconnected or “stuck”. Getting specific, being mindful about the quality of your health in each area and shifting your focus towards what’s within your control to change is the first step in identifying your needs.
2.) What am I avoiding? Often, we avoid uncomfortable, painful, and challenging parts of our lives because we don’t have the tools to navigate change. Identifying and getting very specific about what you are avoiding is a crucial part of getting “unstuck” from cycles of self-sabotage, rumination, and unwanted behaviors. Often, I hear clients share that they feel stuck because no matter what they have tried they aren’t able to maintain health or consistency in a challenging part of their life. Whatever you avoid dealing with will inevitably create stress and disconnection in another area of your life. For example, if you avoid having a difficult conversation in close relationship, the physiological expression of stress, hurt, and disconnection does not just “go away” because you have avoided the conflict. Instead, the physiological expression of that negative energy is redirected to another area of your life resulting in secondary and tertiary challenges in areas where we previously had no concern. Avoidance often creates a more heightened nervous system which can make us more reactionary, anxious, and threatened. Getting clear on what specifically you are avoiding and why is going to help you understand yourself and what actions are going to be effective in creating meaningful change in your life.
3.) What are my values? One of the most challenging realizations to face when we’re stuck in feelings of depression, anxiety, and loneliness is that sometimes our behavior is not in alignment with our values. Knowing and understanding your values is an important part of building confidence, self-worth, and maintaining healthy relationships in your personal and professional life. People who have confidence in their values as an individual tend to exhibit a personality that is resilient, flexible, and calm. They also tend to be less reactionary, able to respond to a variety of different challenges without questioning their inherent value as a human being. In contrast, when people act out of alignment with their personal values, we often see the evidence of that in the quality of their relationships, mood, and general satisfaction with life. Taking a personal inventory of where your behavior is not in alignment with how you want to live your life is an important step in problem solving and navigating change.
Welcome to All Well
(Shared with permission) In 2012 I was stationed in Europe. During my time there, one of my closest friends and coworkers developed substance use addiction. In between work and home I spent many hours sitting on the third floor of a State Hospital listening to my friends back story of how his substance use escalated to hospitalization. An eventful deployment to the Middle East, a challenging relationship, a diabolical leadership experience, and lack of stability and consistency in his community within the military were all contributing factors. Experiencing these events back to back made his healing journey a significant challenge. Each time I left the hospital, I would sit in my car and think about the big picture. There was a clear connection between the disease of addiction, the lack of meaningful community to support him, and a clear lack of health in his professional and personal environment. Without the appropriate support and treatment in these areas I watched my friend ride the waves of addiction for 12 more months until he ultimately left the service and sought treatment in the US. He remains a dear friend who is heathy, at peace, and kicking ass in a high profile agency working with heavy machinery.
I was 22-23 years old when I found myself navigating resources for addiction, OCONUS (Outside the Continental United State) substance use treatment, and mental health resources to support my friend in our community. At the time-we could not access quality care in the area we lived, worked, and operated. We did our best to find treatment options in neighboring countries but each facility found it challenging to meet his complex needs. At the end of the journey I knew I wanted to invest my time, energy, and creativity in partnering with others in navigating their complex life experiences. Particularly for individuals that have experienced complex trauma-meaning multiple, prolonged, and interconnected traumatic events in any developmental phase of life. Healing is not a linear experience. Recovering and healing from complex trauma requires integration of the brain, mind, body, and spirit. Over the last 14 months I have quietly been building my private practice to support others in their healing journey. Founding All Well has been a privilege. I have taken my academic and clinical experience from pediatrics to adult inpatient care to build an authentic space where I can serve a wide variety of clients. I have also drawn from my own personal professional military and law enforcement service to facilitate a practice that supports my law enforcement, military, and first responder community, as well as their incredible families. Thank you for reading my first blog and learning a bit about my heart for founding All Well. I intend to share a weekly blog focused on result/solution focused mental health topics. I plan to cover topics related to complex trauma, relationships, communication, depression, anxiety, evidence based protocols for healing, using the outdoors for nervous system regulation and more! I’m so grateful you are here thank you for joining me on this journey.
Brooke Garcia, MSW, LSWAIC